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FixerUpperMarriage.org/Electrical

Faulty electrical wiring can cause serious problems in a house that range from annoying to dangerous. You may have to add wiring or a special receptacle for certain appliances like a stove, a dryer, or a hot tub.  Recently, my parents had a some lights and small appliances that were not working. After investigating and a couple of phone calls, I discovered an electrical outlet that was completely blown out, it was even charred and burned.

 According the Electrical Safety Foundation International (FSFI) electrical systems are the third leading cause of fires in the United States and cause hundreds of deaths, injuries, and over $700 million in property damage every year.

In a similar manner, faulty wiring in your marriage can cause serious damage to occur in your relationship.  Not having the right kind of outlets or ignoring warning signs can lead to major problems in your marriage.  Moreover, not periodically inspecting for potential problems in your marriage can lead to tragedy and lost love.  Today, we will learn how to identify and fix electrical problems in your marriage.

1. Learn How to Replace Faulty Things in Your Marriage Instead of Giving up

If you find out that you have electrical problems in your house, you don’t just give up on the house.  Instead, you replace the faulty items. Marriage is the same way, but for some reason when something goes wrong people think that they should just give up on each other.  Instead of working together to fix the problem, you create a whole new set of problems that come with divorce or separation including:

• The shame of your problems becoming public. Your problems that were private are now on full display for your friends and family.

• The pieces of your marriage that are left behind.  What about the impact on your children?  They will have to live with it the rest of their lives.

• The emotional baggage that you create for yourself.  For the rest of your life, the past is hanging around your neck.  All the unresolved hurt and past problems go with you in your future relationships and even friendships with people.

I am not advocating that you learn to live with the problems in your marriage but that you work with God and your spouse to replace the things that are wrong in your marriage.  Applying Bible principles may not be the easiest way, but it is the best way to fix the problems in your marriage.

The problems that you bring in to marriage

There may have been some electrical problems from the start.  The house may have been wired wrong to begin with, or it may not have been set up for modern appliances.  The ugly truth is, that when you enter into marriage you bring into it problems that you already had. In fact, you are accepting both the wonderful things that you love about your spouse and their faults when you enter into the marriage covenant.  

This is clearly exemplified in the choice of words we use in the wedding vows, for better or for worse.  You make a vow to God and your spouse that you will love, honor, and cherish each other despite your problems.  In reality, marriage is two flawed people agreeing to enter into a lifetime bond despite those flaws. When those flaws become evident, you don’t start over, you work together with God’s help to overcome those flaws as a team.

What is your threshold for giving up?

Most people’s threshold for giving up on each other is typically when your spouse stops producing happiness for you.  However, the feeling of being in love is not as important as the covenant that you make with God and your spouse in marriage. When the honeymoon part of marriage is over, the commitment part of marriage begins.  This does not mean that you can’t feel in love, but that love becomes something deeper and more meaningful.

The love relationship in marriage reveals the love that Christ has for fallen mankind.  He offers us the covenant of Redemption and Grace. When we make the choice to accept our end of the covenant, putting our faith and trust in Him (see Romans 10:4-13), an amazing relationship is established.  This is the most lopsided love relationship that could ever be imagined. He loves me with all my faults and failures. This is the type of love that should be aspired to in the christian marriage.

Where is His threshold for giving up?  

In one of my favorite songs, Just When You Thought, Joseph Habedank sings the following lines that summarizes this limitless threshold.

Just when you thought that His grace somehow reached the end

You find you’re forgiven again

It is in God’s character to have mercy and forgiveness.

Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy.  He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

Micah 7: 18-19

This makes me think of a story in the Bible when an inquisitive disciple asked the Lord about where the threshold of his own forgiveness should be.  The answer was shocking, and gives a glimpse at God’s own threshold or the point when He just stops forgiving a forgetting our failures.

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

Matthew 18:21-22

In other words, God’s forgiveness ends at the point that we are not willing to accept it and repent.  The offer of His forgiveness is available regardless of our response to it. Likewise, as illustrated in the story, you should mimic this offer of love and forgiveness to those with whom you have contact with.  It goes without saying, that within the marriage covenant, the offer of grace of forgiveness to each other should only be limited by the other party’s acceptance of it.

Learn how to replace faulty things in your marriage instead of giving up.

2.  Learn How to Use the Power of Touch in Marriage

God created our bodies to communicate by touching.  When a baby is born, his loving parents begin to touch his soft skin, playful tickle his feet, and joyful hold his tiny hands.  As we grow up touching also continues to play an important role. In fact, touching is the most intimate form of communication that you have to offer your spouse.  Simply by touching you can express joy, love, gratitude, and sympathy. In fact, you can say a thousand words by simply touching your spouse and not saying a word at all!  

In 2009, psychologist Matthew Hertenstein of DePauw University conducted a study that demonstrated that we have the ability to interpret emotions through touch alone.  He had blindfolded strangers try to communicate a list of emotions solely by touching. The emotions included:

• Anger
• Fear
• Disgust,
• Love
• Gratitude
• Sympathy
• Happiness
• Sadness

The results were shocking as the emotions were interpreted with 78 percent accuracy.  You can find more information here.

Consider the Power of Touch in the Gospel

There is the story in the Bible of a desperate man with sick daughter pleading with Jesus to touch her.  In the same narrative a woman who had been sick for 12 years found healing by touching the hem of His garment. (Matthew 9: 20-22; Luke 8: 43-48).  Everyone and everything that Jesus touched during His earthly ministry was changed forever. He touched an old rugged cross and now it is a symbol of hope and salvation.

In a different but just as impacting way, the touch of Jesus changes the believing sinner in ways that are both incredible and life changing.  One touch from Him, and my life was completely changed. I was lost and living for me when He found me and touched me. Now I am saved(I’m found) and living for Him!  His touch is the most powerful touch a person could ever experience.

How to use touch to strengthen your marriage

Deliberately touching your spouse to communicate positive emotions can rekindle passion and love in your marriage.  Just the simple act of holding hands can produce powerful feelings of love and even remove stress. In fact, scientific studies have revealed that holding your spouse’s hand significantly relieves stress.  Connecting with touch with the intent of showing love deepens the emotional connection between husband and wife.  It is like saying, I am touching you with the only intent of being with you.  You are so special and unique to me, that out of all the people in this world, I am connecting with you in this way.  

Touch each other with a lingering hug.  Try counting to six while you are hugging your spouse.  This will give your spouse time to realize the full impact of your touch.  In doing this you are connecting with your spouse and for those few seconds of time there is nothing else in the world that matters.  This week, commit to hugging at least twice a day for a count of six seconds. At the end of week, stop and write down how you think touching helps your marriage.

Also take the time to hold each other.  In the stress of life, kids, and commitments, the art of just being together and holding each other gets lost.  Hold each other with no ulterior motives or agendas, only to be together. You may be surprised at just how strong your relationship with your spouse can be.

Summary

How You Can Identify and Fix Electrical Problems in Your Marriage

1. Learn how to replace faulty things in your marriage instead of giving up
2. Learn how to use the power of touch in marriage