A Guide to Adding Decor to Your Fixer Upper Marriage
Full Assurance: A Simple Tool for Gaining Real Assurance of Salvation is on sale now. It is available on Amazon. If you buy the paperback version between August 12th-16th(2019), you can get the Kindle (ebook) version for free, with an app you can save the book on your phone or tablet. For more information visit FixerUpperMarriage.org/FullAssurance. Just click on the paperback version and it should give you the ebook as you check out. Assurance is something I personally struggled with for a few years. So this is a book from someone who has been there. Our website now has a bookstore that I will be adding to overtime. Send any questions to Jason@fixeruppermarriage.org.
When fixing up a house, the decorations are what really make it special. All the choices you get to make, come together to make your house unique. You pick the paint colors, the pictures on the wall, the style of the drapes, and even the little decor in your kitchen. In our living room, we have shadow boxes with baby items from all our children. There are also pictures that we have bought and that family members have given to us. Our kitchen cabinets are all topped with decorative baskets that my wife has collected over the years. We have red storage containers and appliances. This is the way we want it. The decorations in our home are the results of all the little decisions that we have made about what we want.
Marriage is a lot like your house. The little things that you want, that you add to your marriage make it unique and desirable to you. All the little choices that you make add up to making your marriage the way that you want it. You chose to have those picture frames in the hallway. You chose the style of that quilt in your bedroom. You have made choices that make your marriage what is, and those choices reflect what you want.
This is 3 Ways to Have the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted. This is your guide for interior decorating in your marriage.
This brings us to short Bible verse I discovered this week hidden within the writings of the minor prophets.
The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.Zephaniah 3:17
This model from God is the key to decorating your marriage and getting what YOU want out of it.
3 Ways to have the marriage you’ve always wanted:
1. Learn to Change You
This is like the secret ingredient to a happy marriage. Decorate your marriage with change. Not just any change, but your own changes.
Like many of the minor prophet books of the Bible, (They are minor because of their length, not the value of their content) Zephaniah is filled with warnings of destruction for Israel because of them forsaking God. However, in this section of the book, things have changed, and the Bible says that God will save. This a huge change for those willing to turn from their sins.
Stop Trying to Change Your Spouse
I don’t know why we do it, but we all do. You wish for your spouse to be better, or even worse you try to make your spouse better. This never ends well for your marriage. Looking and waiting for a change in your spouse is like waiting to win the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes- it’s not gonna happen! It like the odds are stacked against you.
The husband wishes his wife were different and instead of sitting down to discuss it, he becomes disconnected. Then it becomes like a cycle when the wife notices the disconnection and tries to fix the husband. So, instead of becoming more as he wants, she becomes less of it in trying to change him. This can get so bad, that a husband will look for what he wants in someone besides his wife.
Then there is the wife who becomes a mother to her husband. She starts treating her husband as one of the kids instead of her lover! Your husband did not marry you so that he could have another mother, he married you because he wanted a wife! This starts another cycle when the husband refuses the childlike correction of his wife. So the wife becomes frustrated with her husband who refuses to change. In this way, a wife can unwittingly tear down her relationship with her husband.
You may stay “together” through all of this, but you will not be happy together. Sometimes it gets so bad that you start thinking about the unthinkable. The wife may start to think, If only I was married to him instead, or the husband may think, If only I was married to her instead.
Find the Joy in Becoming a Better You
It is like an oxymoron. By seeking to change yourself, you find happiness in your marriage. This is the opposite of what you may think; If only my spouse were different, then I would be happy. The real story is more like this: If only I were different, I would be happy.
Learning how to change you is how you really change the decorations in your marriage. To get what you want in your marriage, you have to make the choice to change yourself. Turn your focus on making yourself better instead of trying to make your spouse better. This is how you have a dull, boring marriage to having a great marriage. Also, if your spouse gets on board with this, trust me, sparks are really going to fly!
Start by making a list. What are some things you can change about you that would help make you a better spouse? The following is a good template for you to use:
Her List His List
|Greet him when he gets home.||Listen to her when you get home.|
|Look nice just for him.||Tell her how pretty she looks.|
|Praise him for what he does right.||Hold hands and spend real time with her.|
|Be patient with him.||Buy/ make her something.|
|Do something to make Him smile.||Do something to make her smile.|
|Do what you know will make Him happy.||Do what you know will make her happy.|
Marriage is one thing in life that is worth putting everything you have into. Give your best to being the best you can be for your spouse. It may be in the small things that you do every day, or in the big changes that you make for the sake of your marriage.
Become a Better Christian
The best thing you can do for your spouse is to become a better Christian. Make it your goal to start your day by spending time with God. This will not only make you more like Jesus, but it will also help your marriage. As you allow God to work in your heart and make changes to you, those changes translate to other relationships, particularly marriage.
The following are some ways that you can help yourself become a better Christian, and also a better spouse at the same time.
- Attend a good church regularly, even when you don’t feel like it.
- Read your Bible every day, even if it is just a verse, make it a habit.
- Find and memorize verses that are meaningful to you. Today’s verse is Zephaniah 3:17, I am going to memorize it.
- Incorporate prayer into your day. This means really talking to God in the moments when you are alone.
- Read good books that encourage you to become a better Christian.
- Don’t hold anything back from God.
2. Learn to Enjoy Your Spouse (Learn to Change You)
God said something amazing in this verse that is very encouraging to me, he will rejoice over thee with joy. To think that the God of Heaven would even stop to think about little insignificant me. Much less, that He would rejoice over me being right with Him. Wow! It is one thing for God to say He loves me, as I see this image of Him having to try really hard to pull it off. However, it is altogether something else, to think that He is rejoicing over me!
This is what real love and marriage are all about. To love your spouse so much that you enjoy them. I remember when I first started falling for my wife while we were only in the courtship phase of marriage. We loved being with each other so much, that we could barely stand being apart. These feelings just got stronger the longer we were together and on our wedding day, we were so ready to be together, that we could barely wait to be on our honeymoon.
Things in marriage have a way of changing. You have arguments, you have problems, and then you have kids! In all the problems of life, you somehow lose the joy of just being together. It doesn’t have to be that way though. Remember, just like a house, you chose what decorations are in it.
Don’t Expect Your Spouse to Complete You
There is this fairy tale idea of marriage that your spouse is supposed to be everything you are not. Deep inside of every bride is the longing for the knight in shining armor, ready to slay all the dragons for her. Deep inside every groom is the longing for a beautiful princess, falling hopelessly into his waiting arms. Life, however, is not so much like the fairy tales! Husbands and wives have problems and not always easy to live with.
It is unreasonable for you to expect too much from your spouse. In fact, I would advise you not to expect anything from them. We talked about this a few weeks ago in a lesson entitled, 3 Things You Should Throw Out of Your Marriage. One of those three things was expectations. If you are going to have expectations, then have them for yourself.
If you expect your spouse to complete you, then you are always going to be disappointed in them, because they cannot do this for you. Only a relationship with God can complete you. Expecting your spouse to do something that only God can do for you is just asking for trouble.
Rekindle the Joy of Being Best Friends
Take the time to spend together to restore that friendship aspect of your marriage. You don’t have to spend a lot of money or make elaborate plans, you just need to be together. It can be as big as a getaway or as small as just sitting on the front porch and quietly holding hands. These all accomplish the same thing of fostering your relationship as friends.
Trying learning to enjoy the same things that your spouse enjoys. If your husband likes football, try to learn about it and watch it with him, in this way you have things in common to share. If your wife likes walking in the park, take her for a walk. Newsflash, they don’t cost anything. Develop your friendship and you can rediscover the joy of just being together.
3. Let Love Be Enough
The Bible says it plainly in our text verse, he will rest in his love. His love for me is enough to keep His covenant with me meaningful. My relationship with Him is so important that to Him that he can rest in His love.
Let Your Bring Satisfaction to Your Marriage
Be satisfied with loving your spouse and being together. You can rest and be content in the fact that you love your spouse.
3 Ways to Have the Marriage You’ve always wanted
- Learn to Change you
- Learn to Enjoy Your Spouse
- Let love be enough