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Join us via live recording as we learn how to own your marriage. Just like the moment when you sign the papers, get the keys, and take ownership of a property, you can take ownership of your marriage.  You can learn where the lines of ownership are in your marriage and how to use them to make your marriage amazing!

Three Ways to Own Your Marriage

Finding the Property Lines of Your Fixer Upper

Part 2

Song of Solomon 2:16

Introduction

• Marriage is an amazing union that God designed to populate the earth and to spread faith in Him.
• The moment you say your vows and exchange rings, an awesome transaction of ownership occurs.
• Two lives become one!
• It is in this union that boundaries become real life issues.
• Once you leave the honeymoon phase, you realize marriage is not always “Sunshine and Roses”.

Property lines determine what you actually own.

• Once you find your property lines, everything within those boundaries belongs to you.
• You now know where you can build an addition, extend a driveway, plant a garden, or even how far your dog can stray.
• Once you buy your fixer upper you are legally responsible for what happens on your property.

You must establish ownership in your marriage!

• Marriage is filled with property lines and boundaries you have to find and respect.
• A healthy marriage will have these lines marked clearly.

3 ways to Own Your Marriage

Take ownership of your own problems.

• Gen 3:12  And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.  And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. 

You are in control of You!

• No one makes you do anything.
• You make choices that lead to the problems that you have.
• Consider some examples.
  • The husband who blames his pornography addiction on his wife.
  • The wife who blames her failure to have a submissive spirit on her husband.

Take the 3 steps to correct your problems.

1. Accept responsibility for your actions.

• • “I am responsible for my actions.”
  • Say it with me, “I am responsible for my actions.”

2. Educate yourself about your problem.

• • Start with the Bible.
  • Find appropriate resources.
  • The following are examples of problems you can find help for.
    • Money- Bible verses, books, college courses, Church courses.
    • Addictions- Bible verses, books, counseling- It is not a sin to get help for your problems.
      • Pain medicine, pornography, affairs, alcohol, etc…
    • Attitude problems- Bible verses, awareness
      • James 3:6,”And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.”
      • You can use the Bible to filter your Words before you speak.

3. Change your own behavior.

• • Change the only thing you can change with God’s help… YOU!
  • There are many things that you can’t control in life, but you can control you.
  • The Christian life is all about learning and changing.
  • Romans 8:29, “For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.”

Take ownership for your feelings.

No one can take your Joy.

Nehemiah 8:10, “…for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

• God designed marriage to make you Holy not happy.
• If you are not happy, don’t blame it on your spouse!
  • “I am not a happy, so it must be your fault!”
  • Your Joy and happiness should not originate from your spouse.
  • It comes from your relationship with Christ.
• YOU are in control of how YOU feel.
  • You can allow God to give you Joy, even when it seems there is nothing to be joyful about.

No one makes you mad.

• You allowed yourself to lose your temper.
• Who is responsible for the way you feel?
  • I did not make you lose your temper.
  • Your wife did not force you to have a tantrum.
  • Your husband did not force you to lose control.
• II Peter 1:5-6, “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;” (underline is mine, for emphasis)
  • Losing control of yourself is a sign of spiritual immaturity.
  • As you become more like Christ, you learn, through the power of His Spirit to have self- control

You must get the help that you need.

• You start with God.
  • Psalm 121: 2, “My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.”
• God also gives us people to help.
  • Godly Friends
  • Christian Resources
  • Pastors
• God gives people special knowledge to help.
  • For Example, I am formally trained in the Bible.
    • If you told me you were having suicidal thoughts, I can give you Bible verses, and pray with/ for you.
    • However, if you are making plans to take your life, I am not trained to deal with that.
  • Christian Counselors
  • Doctors
  • Take charge of your feelings and get the help that you need.

Take ownership of your consequences.

Consider the law of sowing and reaping.

• Galatians, 6: 7-8, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
• For example, if you gamble your money away, you will not have money to buy food.
• There are consequences for your actions.
• For another example, let’s consider my 4 year old daughter’s “temper tantrums”.
  • I correct her as her father by lovingly telling her that if she has a tantrum, she will get a spanking.
  • Therefore, she learns that if she has a tantrum, the consequence will be a spanking.

Don’t enable your spouse by taking their consequences.

• The law of sowing and reaping can be interrupted.
  • Like the parents who give their kids whatever they want to keep them from having tantrums.
  • Like the parents who constantly bail their older children out of jail.
  • Like the overspending spouse, who just gets another credit card.
  • This does not really help the person, instead it enables them.
• Sometimes you must let there be consequences.
  • To the overspending spouse
    • “You are going to have to get a part time job to pay for this.”
  • To the abusive spouse
    • “If you don’t get help for your temper, I will have to leave until you do.”

You must take responsibly for your actions and their consequences.

• Own your behavior.
• Correct those habits and sins that are hurting your marriage.
• Your marriage could be amazing, if you could just learn how to own it.

Conclusion

How to Own Your Marriage

1. Take ownership of your own problems.
2. Take ownership for your feelings.
3. Take ownership of your consequences.