Romantic love is an incredible gift from God, but it can only be healthy within the right boundaries! Today, we will learn about setting those healthy boundaries in your marriage. Just as it is important to find the property lines of your fixer upper, even more so to find the right right boundaries in your love life.  This is the Fixer Upper Marriage Podcast where each week we learn something new about love and marriage.

Setting Boundaries in Your Love Life

Finding the Property Lines of Your Fixer Upper

Part 1

Mark 10:6-9


Why Are Property Lines Important?

  • So that you know where your property ends and your neighbor’s begins.
  • In case you wanted to build a fence or plant a hedge.
  • If you wanted to build an addition to your fixer upper you would need to know where you could build.

How Do You Find Your Property Lines?

  • The deed to your property should give your the measurements.
  • You could locate the metal pins in the ground.
  • You could hire a professional surveyor.

What Are the Boundaries in Your Marriage?

  • God designed marriage with certain limits and boundaries.
  • Boundaries are important to maintaining a healthy love relationship.
  • Today we will begin learning about boundaries in marriage!


Four Principles for Setting Boundaries in Your Love Life

1. Marriage is two lives becoming one.

It takes two separate lives. ( Mark 10:7-8).

  • You lived your life as a single person, now two become one in marriage.
  • You can accomplish more as two than you ever could have as one.
    • You share your life with someone that you love.
    • You make a family!
    • You grow old together.

God made marriage to complete life.

  • Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
  • Marriage is an incredible union that helps you through life.
  • You are together in anything you go through.
    • Life is filled with ups and downs.
    • Life is filled with heartbreak and pain.
    • However, we can make it with the Lords help together.
      • We have the Lord and we have each other to make it through.
  • We are two halves that make a whole together.
    • God has a sense of humor.
    • Consider how opposite my wife an me really are.

2. Marriage does not fix you.

It does not change who you are.

  • Gods design is for you to mature as person and become complete in character.
    • You have to work on who you are as a person on your own.
    • Two complete people come together to make one life.
  • Marriage does not change your immaturity or character problems.
    • For instance, my 4 year old’s temper tantrums.
    • How many adults still have “temper tantrums.”
    • The spouse who “pouts”
    • The spouse who withdrawals.
      • The wife turns into “Fridgid Frida”.
      • The husband who turns into Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti westerns.
  • When we are mature we sit down and work out our differences.

You have to fix your own problems.

  • We should come into marriage as complete people.
  • Many times and many ways we are not.
  • What are the things you need to fix in your life, your character, and your walk with the Lord?

3. You cannot change your spouse.

Property lines are really for you, not your neighbors.

  • It is about what you can do to fix YOUR property.
    • Ask yourself, “What improvements can I make to what I have?”
    • You cannot change your spouse.
  • Commons ways that we think will change our spouse:
    • Nagging
    • Threatening
    • Intimidation
    • Manipulation

Your spouse needs the right motivation to change.

  • The motivation for your spouse to change should be love.
  • By way of illustration, consider my walk with the Lord
    • I do what I do because I love Him.
      • II Corinthians 5:14 “For the love of Christ constraineth us”
    • What an insult it would be to Him if I had some other motivation!
      • Some would say, “I serve you because I am afraid of what some preacher may think of me.”
      • Others might say, “I serve you because I wanted to be accepted by a group of people.”
    • I serve the Lord because I Love the Lord!
  • There is no REAL change otherwise.
  • There is no LASTING change otherwise.
  • If it is not in their heart they will rebel against it.

Marriage is not a prison.

  • I don’t have to be faithful to my wife- but I love her.
  • I don’t have to submit to the needs of my wife, but I love her.
  • Eph 5:21  “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” 

  • My wife does not have to submit to my leadership- but she loves me.

You cannot change your spouse, but you can change you!

4. Give up on judging each other.

It is our human nature to judge.

  • However it is in our sin nature.
  • Mat 7:1 ” Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3  And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4  Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5  Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” 

  • I believe the Bible, and the Bible means what It says and It says what it means!
  • For example, lets say that I have a friend who has a sin they are struggling with
    • So I drop hammer of judgment.
    • I talk about him to other friends.
    • I even analyze how this could have happened.
    • I condemn him for his actions!
      • But wait, I went all week without thinking about telling anyone about Jesus.- Somebody could die and spend eternity in Hell-
      • I have a beam in my eye.
      • The more I try to pull it out, the bigger it gets.

The Bible only authorizes me to judge ME.

  • 1Co 11:31  “For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.” 

    • If you are harsh and judgmental toward people you are carnal.

  • Gal 6:1  “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” 

  • Bible restoration is with meekness and empathy.
  • You should never excuse sin, or keep someone from the consequences of their sin.
  • However, you should have the same Grace that Jesus shows to you in your heart.

Stop Judging Your Spouse

  • Reminding them of how bad they are.
  • Bringing up their past mistakes.
  • Pointing out everything they do wrong.
    • It is usually wrong towards you.
      • You are nor treating me right.
      • You are not loving me like you should.
  • Learn to speak the truth in love.
    • Eph 4:14  “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; Eph 4:15  But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”  (underline is for emphasis.)


Four Principles for Setting the Boundaries in Your Love Life

  1. Marriage is two lives becoming one.

  2. Marriage does not fix your problems.

  3. You cannot change your spouse.

  4. Give up on judging each other.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage!