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Doors are an important part of any house or building and are used on the exterior as well as the interior to separate rooms. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. The bronze doors of the National Archives Building in Washington DC are over 37 feet tall and weigh over 6 tons. Many homes even include tiny doors to allow pets to go in and out. Doors provide access, privacy, security and add to the decor of a building. The Bible describes the magnificent doors to Solomon’s Temple as made of olive wood with carvings and overlaid with gold. (I Kings 6: 31-35)
Your love and marriage also has doors that are a critical part of its function and construction. Listen in as we learn why and how you should fix the door problems in your marriage.
Special thanks to my lovely wife and daughters who became my focus group for this lesson! They are my world, my reason, and my purpose!
Book Recommendation: Wolves Among Lambs by Pastor and author Stacey Shiflett. This is a book about dealing with sexual abuse and cover-ups in churches as well as tips for processing abuse for victims. You can purchase it through the link above or visit WolvesAmongLambs.com. This is a great resource to own if you or someone you love has been affected by this, or if it impacts your marriage.
1. Your marriage needs consistency
Doors are the most used and functional part of a home. Every morning I wake and use the bathroom door. Then I use the closet door as I find my clothes for the day. Most importantly, I use the refrigerator door to get some food! Finally, I use the front door as I leave for work.
Be consistent in the little things
Those things that you do every day make a huge difference in your marriage. The things that you may do without realizing it, yet those actions done everyday make your love what it is. Even those little things that require intentional effort to maintain. Maybe its the kiss that you share as you walk out the door, the way you hold hands when you go places, or they way that you laugh together. The following are a few little things you can do consistently to make your love stronger:
- Contact your spouse throughout the day to let them know that you are thinking about them.
- Leave a note occasionally to express your love.
- Make an intentional effort to touch your spouse in affectionate ways.
- Tell your spouse that you love and appreciate them.
Be consistent in your faith
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanseth us from all sin.I John 1:7
Having a real consistent personal walk with the Lord can make a huge difference in your married life. In walking with Him and living a confessed life, you have access to help from the creator of marriage. You can have the confidence that God is hearing your prayers and is available for you and your spouse. You can even use your personal relationship with the Lord to intercede on the behalf of your spouse when they may not have that relationship with the Lord themselves.
Go to Church and be involved as a couple. This gives you an opportunity to develop your faith and your relationship together. It may not seem that important, but God may have something critical to your faith and your marriage in something as simple as Sunday School. By going to Church faithfully, you make yourself available for spiritual growth through a message, a song, or even a word of testimony. Worshiping the Lord together also creates a bond and a shared common interest that you can use to build up your marriage!
In a comprehensive study led by sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox of the University of Virginia, the Nation Marriage Project looked at couples and church involvement. Their findings concluded that active conservative protestants are 35 percent less likely to get a divorce than those with no affiliation. This is great news that being involved in your church makes you less likely to be divorced. Their findings did however, discover a dark cloud as those who are nominally active protestants are 20 percent more likely to get divorced than those in the secular world. Maybe this is the lukewarm Christianity that God refers to.
I know thy works, that thou are neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.Revelation 3: 15,16
2. Marriage thrives in privacy
Doors have been around for thousands of years because they give us the means to have a life that is out of the eyes of the rest of the world. To put it simply, doors give you privacy! Marriage is made more meaningful and love more intense in those moments when everyone else in the world is shut out and your life is narrowed down to just two.
Date your spouse at least once a week
In being alone, without kids, family, and the distractions of work, you are able to connect in specific and deliberate ways. God designed marriage to be enjoyed and experienced by two for a lifetime. Work obligations will change, electronic notifications will always be there, even kids will grow up to have a life of their own, but marriage is intended for a lifetime together. Therefore, you should carve out time in your schedule to date your spouse.
In another article by the National Marriage Project entitled The Date Night Opportunity, Several interesting facts about dating and marriage are documented. Among their findings, women who have couple time with their spouse at least once per week are 3 times more happy in their relationship than those who don’t. Also, men are 2.5 times more happy in their relationship than those who don’t have couple time at least once per week. In regards to divorce, women who have couple time at least twice a month are 4 times less likely to get divorced and men are 2.5 times less likely!
The above article also established the following 5 areas that are impacted by regular date nights:
- Communication- It provides a chance for you to talk without distractions.
- Novelty- You can experience new things and activities together.
- Eros- Your intimate life is enhanced by alone time.
- Commitment- It helps to strengthen your commitment to each other.
- De-stress- It gives you a time to forget about all the stress points of your life.
The following are some of my ideas for date nights:
- Go out to eat.
- Watch a movie together.
- Walk in the park.
- Go shopping without buying anything!
- Play a board game.
If you have ideas you can share them with the class or email me at Jason@fixeruppermarriage.org. I may also start a facebook post to solicit ideas.
Learn to appreciate the value of alone time
Time is one of the most valuable things that you own. It is something that you can never get back. When you share your time with your spouse, you are giving a part of your life away to them that you can never have back, you are giving your life for your spouse as the Bible commands husbands to do.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;Ephesians 5: 25
3. Marriage without maintenance will break
We all know of the doors that need fixing. They are hard to open and close. The knobs wont turn. The locks wont work. Even worse, the door squeaks! I wake up early most mornings and sometimes my attempts at not waking the family are foiled by a squeaking door! This is because doors have to be maintained, you have to paint them, oil them and generally maintain the hinges, knobs and locks. The bottom line is that doors can become painfully irritating at times.
Marriage has a tendency to become painfully irritating at times. If your relationship is not properly maintained you will become squeaking hinges and jammed locks in your marriage. Some of the most hurtful, degrading words and actions I have ever seen were among married people. This is because the oil of the Spirit of God and the tools of His Holy Word have not been applied to that relationship.
Don’t take your spouse for granted
Although your spouse may have many problems and personal quirks, you have your own set of problems and your spouse puts up with you everyday. Before you criticize your spouse, think about all the good that they do. Chances are, there are a lot more things your spouse does right. Consider the things they do right. Be grateful for your spouse.
Sometimes you don’t appreciate things until they are gone. It is like you forget what life was like before you met, or what your life would be like without them. You stop noticing all the good your spouse does for the few things they may be doing wrong or the one thing they are not doing for you.
Also, the things that irritate you about your spouse may be easier to fix than you realize. For example if your wife leaves the cabinets and draws open even after you discus it, it may be easier just to shut them yourself. If your wife never has the dishes done when you get home, it actually only takes a few moments to load the dishwasher. If your husband leaves his clothes on the floor even after you have nagged him, it may only take you a few seconds to pick them up. It may be easier for you to handle it this way, than coming at your spouse like Attila the Hun!
Speak kindly to each other
It is strange that some of the most hurtful things that can be said, are said between husband and wife. However, by using the filter of God’s word you can use words of kindness instead of hatred or anger.
Even when lovingly correcting your spouse, you can choose words that are helpful and not hurtful. Sometimes consistent, kind correction can change things better. For example, several months ago I developed a rare, strange, and scare temporary eye condition. I was given several eye drops to be taken over the course of several weeks. It would do me no good to take all the drops at once, but by taking my medicine everyday, they helped my eyes heal and recover. Likewise, a little loving correction at a time can do more help than pouring out the whole bottle at once!
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.Ephesians 4: 32
Marriage is the one relationship in this world where we have the incredible opportunity to practice the Bible principle of edification. You can choose to use words to encourage and build up your marriage, or to completely tear it down.
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.Proverbs 14: 1
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.Ephesians 4: 19
4. You have to protect what is yours
4 reasons you need to fix the doors in your marriage
- Your marriage needs consistency.
- Marriage thrives in privacy.
- Marriage without maintenance will break.
- You have to protect what you have.