Making plans to fix your love is critical to the success of your marriage.  Join us as we learn 5 simple ways to assess your love and begin “fixing up” your marriage.

Luke 14:28-30


The Assessment of your fixer upper

  • You have to make that initial walk through of the property.
    • What are the things that actually need fixing?
    • You also have to identify the areas that need updating.
    • The structure has to be inspected.
    • Experts may have to come in with estimates.
  • Why are assessments important?
    • It gives you a baseline of the house.
    • They allow you to properly plan.
    • It helps you to plan your budget.
  • What happens next?
    • You get estimates.
    • You write out a detailed budget.
    • You set goals such as a completion date.

The “Assessment” of Your Marriage

  • Marriages are not properly planned for.
    • Ceremonies are meticulously planned.
    • However, we just blindly go into married life.
    • Why are there very few training courses for engaged couples?
  • There is little emphasis on maintenance in marriage.
    • Without a plan for maintenance things fall apart and break.
    • Therefore, if you don’t keep things up in your marriage it will break.
    • Sometimes things have to fall apart before we even think about repairs.
  • How do you take an assessment of your marriage?
    • Use a scale of 1 through 10. 1 is being separated and 10 is being like Christ and the Church. (See Ephesian 5:22-33)
    • Ask yourself questions.
      • Are we still in love?
      • I am happy were my marriage is at?
      • Does my spouse feel the same way?
  • The following are 5 tips for assessing your Marriage.

1. Do not compare yourself with others.

Things are not always as they appear.

  • People have different faces in public than in private.
  • For example, have you ever had an argument ON THE WAY to Church?

The Goal is to be like Christ and the Church.

  • We make the mistake of comparing ourselves to others.
    • Take for instance, the way we use the word “spiritual”.
    • The statement “I want to be more spiritual” means like a person we know, a story we have heard, or book we have read.
    • However, your ultimate example as Christian should be imitating the life of Jesus Christ.
  • The Bible addresses this issue in II Corinthians 10:12:“For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”
  • Therefore your marriage should be compared to Christ and the Church. (Ephesians 5)
    • Husbands should treat their wives the way that Christ treats the Church.
    • Wives should treat their husbands the way that the Church should treat Christ.

God has unique plans for everyone.

  • Serve the Lord where you are.
    • Take for example, the stay at home mom who feels like she is getting NOTHING done.
    • However, she is changing the lives of her children with each moment.
  • It may seem like you are getting nowhere in life, but if you are serving the lord, you are doing something incredible!

2. Fix what you can.

Make the small repairs that you can.

  • Lets use my house as an example.
    • I would love to remodel my front porch, but I cannot right now.
    • However, I can paint the door and fix the hinges.
  • There are some some things you can fix in your marriage.
    • Some problems are big projects in your marriage others are not so big.
    • You can sit on the couch on hold hands without spending anything.
    • You can go out to lunch, and put a nail in a broken part of your marriage.

Do the little things.

  • Did God make marriage to have conflict?
    • It is as if God made man and women different knowing conflict would come.
    • However, God can use that conflict to grow you as a couple closer to Him.
    • Maybe God knew that those problems that we cannot “fix” would draw us to Him.
  • For a moment lets stop and think about one of my favorite Bible Stories
    • In John 8:1-11, the scribes and pharisees brought a woman taken in the act of Adultery.
    • They all picked up their stones and asked Jesus about stoning her under the law.
    • Ignoring them, Jesus just wrote in the sand, finally saying, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
    • Each one dropped their stones and walked away.
    • The truth is we are all “broken” one way or another!

3. Have a Plan.

Set some realistic goals.

What can I do to make my marriage better?

Do something to help your marriage everyday.

  • If you have lost your trust, do little things every day to show your trust.
  • If you have lost your love, do something small everyday to show your love.
  • Consider this challenge for next week:
    • Write down a compliment of your spouse each day this week.
    • Find a way to share it with them.
    • If you can’t think of anything, then ask God to show you.

4. Enjoy the good things in your marriage.

Refocus on the good.

  • There are things I love about my house, even though there are things that need fixing.
  • What was it about your spouse that made you fall in love?
    • The first time I noticed my wife, she was with our mutual friend Penny.
    • She had beautiful green eyes, and a gorgeous smile that made my world stand still.
    • Even though we have our share of problems, I still see those wonderful things about her that made me fall madly in love!
    • Life and time changes people, but your love can stay strong with God’s help.

Reflect on all the memories.

  • Do not throw away your past and future love for a temporary problem now.
  • We tend to get locked into the present sometimes.
  • Step back and adjust your focus to see the whole picture.

Believe in each other.

  • Take a chance on your spouse.
  • You took a chance when you met.

5. Do not wait on your spouse.

Take a step of faith.

  • Take the initiative to change things even if your spouse does not.
  • Trust that God will honor his Word.

Find joy in the process.

  • Even if your spouse does not get on board, you can enjoy doing right.
  • There is joy is serving the Lord through your marriage.

Allow God to change you.

  • Let God use the challenges in your marriage to change you.
  • Let God use your marriage to make you like the Jesus.


Lets review today’s five tips for assessing your marriage.

  1. Do not compare yourself with others.
  2. Fix what you can.
  3. Have a plan.
  4. Enjoy the good things in your marriage.
  5. Do not wait on your spouse.

God has something amazing planned for your marriage!